Jokes

[John S]

A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . .
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation...
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above
it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read
'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

[Bigfeet]

Two French guys were on holiday in London and heard that English girls where 'easy' so decided that they needed to buy some condoms. Neither spoke very good English so they walked into a chemist, put some money onto the counter, pulled down their trousers and pointed at they willies with big smiles on their faces.

The chemist looked at them and then, after a pause, pulled his trousers down, gave the two Frenchmen an even bigger smile and then took the money!

[John S]

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times,
wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you; I have a very rare medical condition.
Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious.
I have never heard of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?

The woman nodded. "Pepper."

[rowl-69]

An irish man was on who wants to be a millionare. He was on the last question for £1M. His question was who is this football player... His answer was phil nevil... are you sure..yes phil nevil. You still have your phone a friend... ok i'll phone me brother mick. Mick answers the phone to his reply is 'Garry nevil'. Oh Jeez says Paddy... 'NO' i'll stick wit me answer.. phil nevil....................... No it was Dwight York !!!

[Dangerousfish]

An irish man was on who wants to be a millionare. He was on the last question for £1M. His question was who is this football player... His answer was phil nevil... are you sure..yes phil nevil. You still have your phone a friend... ok i'll phone me brother mick. Mick answers the phone to his reply is 'Garry nevil'. Oh Jeez says Paddy... 'NO' i'll stick wit me answer.. phil nevil....................... No it was Dwight York !!!

...I don't get it..? o.0

[Jimbob]

...I don't get it..? o.0

You seldom do Dangerous.....you seldom do

Jimbob

ps neither do I!

[Dangerousfish]

Being a Paedophile living in Bolton, I try to attract girls aged 13 to 14.

As these are usually the ones with the youngest kids.

[Bigfeet]

Two blokes where driving in a car when one bloke says to the other,

'We must be getting closer to town'
'Whys that?'
'We're hitting more people.'

[ZACK]

...I don't get it..? o.0

I Think It's Relevance Is The Irish Nationality Part...

[rowl-69]

Phil / garry Neville - Dwight Yorke !

...I don't get it..? o.0

Phil / garry Neville - Dwight Yorke !

[Bigfeet]

Nope.

Still don't get it myself.

[ZACK]

I Think It's Relevance Is The Irish Nationality Part...

...Referring To Him As Being A 'Dumb' Irishman - As The Neviles Are White And Yorke is Black...

Am I Right ?

[Dangerousfish]

Reminds me of the two nuns in a bath joke :S

[Jimbob]

Phil / garry Neville - Dwight Yorke !

I know two of them are brothers but.......which is Dwight York?

Jimbob

[rowl-69]

hahaha i like that Jimbob