Cheesy joke thread

[Hyperkev]

The wife said to me "I'd like bigger tits"
"Rub toilet roll between them " I said
"Don't be stupid"
"It worked on your arse didn't it "

[Soran]

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M4 near Bridgend recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts.
However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah! Cah! Cah!", not a single one could shout "Lorry! Lorry! Lorry!"

[slippery]

My Mum got knocked out by a load of books yesterday.....shes only her shelf to blame!


Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep


Cops raided Kermits lily pad last night and found hundreds of pictures of Miss Piggy in the nude... they're saying it's the worst case of frogs porn they have found!



The annual premature ejaculation society dinner will be held on Friday night.No dress code......just come in your pants.


Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.


When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation.
I almost died in Finding Nemo.


just wrote a song about a tortilla....well its more of a wrap really!


A woman goes to the hospital to check on her husband,the doctor says "your husband has malaria ,aids,measles and the flu...but we have him on a diet of toast,rivita and rich tea biscuits. "will that cure him"she asks."No"says the doctor"but the're the only things that fit under the door"


I've taken to wearing wild west lingerie......The silky bras are on me!


In sainsburys the missus said to me "you are a lazy *******",well I nearly fell out of the trolley laughing

[ed taylor]

What do you call a man out standing in his field....
A farmer.


Did you know women have a sixth sense..... They don't use the other five.

[THP]

A dyslexic walks into a bra...

[Cookies]

Someone stole a pair of the wife's knickers off the clothesline the other night. She's not too bothered about the knickers, she just wants the 14 pegs back.

[ed taylor]

What's the last thing that goes through a flies mind when it hits your car windscreen....... It,s arse.

[AlpalDS3]

What's KFC and women both got in common?
Once you have finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.